18th August 2026 | Learned Helplessness: Why We Sometimes Stop Trying

Have you ever thought, “What's the point in trying?” or “I'm just going to fail anyway, so there's no point”?

You might find yourself avoiding things because you already expect them to go badly. Perhaps you don't apply for that job, put off starting something new, avoid speaking up, or decide not to try because the possibility of getting it wrong feels too uncomfortable.

From the outside, this can sometimes look like a lack of motivation or confidence. But there may be something else going on.

One way of understanding this is through the concept of learned helplessness.

What is learned helplessness?

The term learned helplessness came from research carried out by psychologist Martin Seligman and his colleagues in the 1960s.

In the well-known experiments, dogs were exposed to electric shocks. Some dogs were able to stop the shocks, while others experienced shocks that they couldn't control.

Later, when the dogs were put in a situation where they could escape the shock, some of the dogs who had previously experienced uncontrollable shocks didn't try to escape.

They had, in effect, learned that what they did didn't make a difference.

Of course, human experiences are much more complicated than this experiment. We aren't suggesting that our experiences are the same as those of the dogs. However, the idea of learned helplessness can be useful when thinking about what happens when someone repeatedly experiences situations where they feel powerless or unable to change what is happening.

How can this happen to us?

Our early experiences can have an important influence on the beliefs we develop about ourselves.

For example, imagine a child who is frequently criticised, compared to others or made to feel that they aren't good enough. Perhaps they struggle at school and are repeatedly told that they are lazy or incapable.

Or perhaps they experience bullying, rejection, neglect or an unpredictable home environment.

For some people, experiences of abuse can also play a role. When a child experiences emotional, physical or sexual abuse, they may have very little control over what is happening to them. They may learn that speaking up doesn't make a difference, or that trying to protect themselves can sometimes make things worse.

None of these experiences automatically lead to learned helplessness. People respond to difficult experiences in different ways. But experiences like these can contribute to the way someone learns to understand themselves and the world around them.

They might begin to think:

“I'm not good enough.”

“I'm not capable.”

“I can't change things.”

“There's something wrong with me.”

Over time, these can become deeply held negative core beliefs.

How do we start protecting ourselves?

If you believe that you aren't good enough, or that you're likely to fail, it makes sense that you might start looking for ways to protect yourself from those feelings.

This is where rules for living can develop.

For example:

Core belief: “I'm not good enough.”

Rule for living: “It's better not to try than to fail.”

This rule can actually feel quite protective.

If you don't try, you can't fail.

If you don't put yourself forward, you can't be rejected.

If you don't take a risk, you don't have to experience the possibility of getting it wrong.

The difficulty is that what protects us in the short term can sometimes keep the problem going in the long term.

How avoidance keeps the belief going

Imagine someone is offered an opportunity at work.

Their immediate thought might be:

“I'm not capable enough to do that. I'll probably fail.”

They decide not to apply.

Initially, they might feel relieved. They don't have to worry about the interview or the possibility of being rejected.

But they also don't get the opportunity to find out whether they could have done it.

Their brain doesn't get any new information to challenge the belief “I'm not capable.”

Instead, the cycle can continue:

“I might fail” → anxiety → avoidance → short-term relief → no opportunity to test the belief → “I knew I couldn't do it.”

This can happen in lots of different areas of life.

Someone might avoid social situations because they believe people won't like them. They might avoid driving because they don't believe they could cope if something went wrong. They might stay in a job they dislike because looking for another one feels too difficult.

The avoidance makes sense when we understand what the person is trying to protect themselves from.

How can this affect our mental health?

The problem is that the more we avoid things, the fewer opportunities we have to discover that we might be capable of coping.

We might stop doing things we enjoy, withdraw from other people, give up on goals or become increasingly worried about situations that we have been avoiding.

Over time, this can contribute to low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.

It can also leave us feeling stuck.

And this is an important part of understanding learned helplessness. Someone who appears to have “given up” may not simply lack motivation. They may have learned, through their experiences, that trying doesn't make much difference.

How can CBT help?

In CBT, we would try to understand the pattern rather than simply telling someone to “be more positive”.

We might explore:

What happened in the past?
What experiences may have influenced the way you see yourself today?

What is the underlying belief?
For example, “I'm not good enough”, “I'm incapable” or “I can't cope.”

What rules have you developed to protect yourself?
For example, “It's better not to try than to fail.”

What happens when you follow these rules?
Do you avoid things, procrastinate, seek reassurance or give up?

We can then start looking at whether these rules are still helpful.

This might involve setting small behavioural experiments rather than expecting someone to suddenly become confident.

For example, someone who believes “I'll fail if I try” might gradually begin doing things where there is a possibility of getting it wrong.

The aim isn't necessarily to succeed every time.

They might discover:

“I tried and it went better than I expected.”

Or:

“I didn't do it perfectly, but I managed.”

Or even:

“It didn't go well, but I coped with it.”

That last one can be particularly important.

The goal isn't to convince ourselves that we will always succeed. We can't control everything that happens.

Instead, we can start to develop a different belief:

“I might not be able to control what happens, but I can influence what I do and how I respond.”

You don't have to know you'll succeed before you try

Learned helplessness can help us understand why changing long-standing patterns can feel so difficult.

If you've spent years believing that you're not good enough, that you're going to fail or that you can't cope, simply telling yourself to “have more confidence” probably isn't going to be enough.

It may be more helpful to understand where those beliefs came from and what they have been protecting you from.

From there, CBT can help you gradually test those beliefs and create new experiences.

You don't need to be certain that you will succeed.

Sometimes the first step is simply being willing to find out:

“What if I try?”

CBT with Beth

If you recognise yourself in this pattern, CBT can help you explore how your past experiences may have shaped the way you see yourself today.

Together, we can look at the beliefs and rules that may be keeping you stuck and work towards making changes at a pace that feels manageable.

You don't have to feel completely confident before you start.

Sometimes confidence comes from trying, rather than needing to feel confident first.